I adore my hubby.
He is my best friend; smart; playful; and a mountain of a man. Everyday, he tells me I’m beautiful. Everyday, he calls and texts me. Everyday, he thanks me for the meals I make, and the little things I do. He always checks to see how I am doing and if I need anything.
Before I go any further, he does this in very unobtrusive and gentle ways. It’s not stalker-like or creepy. He’s just letting me know that he’s there for me.
I listen to people talk about their mates and their struggles to have a great relationship with them. It makes me a little bit sad. Everyone deserves a great partnership; one that fits who they are and what they need personally.
I love this quote:
Former First Lady Barbara Bush once said “One of the reasons I made the most important decision of my life to marry George Bush is because he made me laugh,” she said at a speech at Wellesley College in 1990. “It’s true, sometimes we’ve laughed through our tears, but that shared laughter has been one of our strongest bonds. Find the joy in life, because as Ferris Bueller said on his day off, ‘Life moves pretty fast. Ya don’t stop and look around once in a while, ya gonna miss it.”
She was in love with her husband until the end.
It’s powerful stuff.
But that can’t be all of it, right? I’ve known a lot of people who could make me laugh, but that didn’t mean I wanted to marry them.
What’s the magic formula?
Is there even a magic formula?
I’ve given this some thought (well, of course I have, or I wouldn’t be writing about it), and here is a list of a few things that work for Greg and I. It may not be the formula, but it seems to be our formula. Maybe yours is a little different.
Values. Greg and I have the same core values. I’m talking about the basic beliefs a person has, that they live their lives by. Deep down, these have to be in sync with your partner, or you might as well stop things right there. If you try to make a relationship work, while living in a way that is not who you are, what’s the point? What are you getting out of the situation? And what are you giving your partner? You can’t live this way for very long. Eventually, one of two things will happen: You will either explode and say things you can’t take back and lose your partner, or you’ll permanently bury your spirit, and that perfect uniqueness that is you, is lost to you both.
Trust. I can’t say enough about the fragile bonds of trust. It’s easy to make a mistake and lose trust in a relationship. It’s so hard and takes so much more time to rebuild it. Treasure that trust and never let it go.
Laughter. Finding the humor in the day to day stuff makes everything easier to bear. I’ll admit that sometimes Greg gets too humorous when I am just not feeling it, but he’s persistent, and eventually I come around. 99% of the time, it’s what I needed.
A No Guilt Household. When I tidied my home, I decluttered the guilt out too. Guilt was something that had been ingrained into my psyche my whole life. I didn’t think it was possible to not feel badly all the time, to worry about doing the wrong thing, or to feel like a failure. I never felt like I was enough in my family, especially with my grandmother. I was carrying a lot of guilt around. When I finally gave myself permission to dump all of the family possessions that were weighing me down both physically and mentally, my life changed. I allowed myself to live the way I wanted to live. My life with Greg changed. Our house was filled with laughter, joy, and no judgement. The biggest thing though, for me, was realizing that Greg never had judged me. I was judging myself, and missing out on really enjoying our marriage.
Support each other’s dreams and personal goals. While Greg and I share the same values, we don’t always have the same interests. Greg is a gamer. He love RPG and can endlessly create characters, study magical powers, and simultaneously keep track of a hundred different games and all of their rules of play. Me, I like games too but, I’m not into multi-faceted rules. I like it simple, then I can relax and have a good time. When we can, we’ll do game nights with our friends, and during the year Greg heads to Gaming conventions with his buddies. Greg is a city guy, I’m a country gardener. He was thrilled when I started helping out at the Arboretum. He goes with me sometimes. While I’m doing tours, he out walking the park playing Pokémon Go. He’s there, and making it work both for him and me.
Always think the best of each other, and not the worst. Never speak negatively to others about your partner. This goes back to the “trust” thing. I know I am loved and respected by my hubby, so I know he has my best interests at heart. He’s also human, and can make mistakes. I keep that at the forefront when I feel wronged in some way. He does the same. We do have our occasional arguments, but they don’t last long, because we both hate that feeling of separateness that the anger creates. I’m not saying that I don’t talk to a friend if something is troubling me, because I do. But I keep the words kind, because even though he isn’t there, I know it matters.
Fess up to your mistakes and bad behavior, even if it’s embarrassing. I would love for Greg to see just my “awesome” side and never know that I do dumb things. But I always feel better when I share it with him. I know that unless I did something that was so opposite of what our values are, his feelings for me are not going to change. So telling him about the not so perfect me, is not really a risk. It’s a validation that I’m ok. Besides, I don’t think I could handle the pressure of being that great, all of the time.
Verbally appreciate each other … often. As I said in the beginning, Greg tells me each day that I am beautiful and that he loves me. Although, I may think he is just blinded by love, I have to admit I love hearing the words and it brings me closer to him. I look forward to his comments and messages. They brighten my day. I do my best to do the same.
Well, that’s it. It’s nothing earth shattering. But, this is the best relationship I have ever had. I used to say that I wished I had met Greg sooner. But who knows? If I had, would it have worked out? Would we have been the people we needed to be to make this marriage work the way it does? I don’t know for sure,
But, what I do know is that we are focused on our life now, and making each day a good as it can be. I wouldn’t change a thing.
I’m a lucky lady.