Tidying Up – Insights

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KonMari Insight Blog Series.

 

Be clear with yourself about what you want to accomplish for you and why. Take your time creating that vision so you can express it to your partner when it’s time.

Remember that the only person you have the power to change is you. You can lead by example, but you can’t force some to make changes just because you want them to.

Everyone has emotional attachments to their belongings.  Everyone.

Likewise, everyone will only be able to deal with those emotions when they are ready to do so and not before.

When you are ready to talk to your partner, tell them why you want to do this. Why is this important for you.  Most people want their partners to be happy and will support their goals.

Stress that you are focusing on your own things, just your things.

When you get to the common areas, talk about them. If your partner doesn’t seem interested, don’t push it.

As you clear out your belongings, take the time to celebrate.  You are doing this process for you. Even if your partner isn’t yet on board, you are taking steps to make your life better, and you are doing it!

Talk about how tidying is affecting you. Be honest, if you are tired, admit it. But also stress the positives and what you are learning about yourself.  Lot’s of times our partners think that this is a fad, a one off, and that we’ll soon get tired of it.  Talking keeps the process real for both of you. It also helps to keep you going during those times when you just want to stop.

Be gentle. Be kind. Be understanding.   It can be frustrating when you really want your partner get on board and it doesn’t seem to be happening. But, it’s not worth getting angry with them about it. Discuss it.  Use that time and listen about why your partner isn’t interested. They will tell you if they feel like you really want to know.

Never, never, ever break the “trust factor.” Every good relationship is built on trust.. Commit yourself to never throwing away anything that isn’t yours and then make that a promise to your partner. Trust shows itself in many forms and your partner will remember and be grateful for this.  The more they trust the process and you, the more likely the will open up to tidying and share their concerns.

It will take whatever time it takes. It took Greg and I about 19 months to go through our tidying festival. Sure, if I had been living alone it would have taken a lot less time. But time isn’t really the point. We were building a home and a life together; you can’t put a limit on how long that takes.

Don’t give up. Your partner does pay attention to what you do and what you say. Sometimes progress and change will come when you really not looking for it.  What a great surprise!

Be creative.  Not everything I did with Greg was true KonMari. But it all was impactful.  True, I did a lot of the work, but I had  started us out on the journey. Let them put their own spin on it if they want.  As long as you are moving forward and closer, who cares? You are crafting your home.

Everyone has a different vision of what “home” means to them. Everyone should take part how that home develops.

Don’t worry about how much of what you keep, as long as it really sparks joy for each of you. It takes awhile for everyone to move past the “shoulds,” the “but,  it was expensive,” and the “someday I might need these.” Each person will do this in their own time.

Don’t keep score about who has gotten rid  of the most; that starts the blame game.  There will come a balance, in time.  But know that it might not be 50/50 at the start, or even the middle, or ever, for that matter. Stuff is just stuff. It’s the relationship with family and friends that is what’s really important.  That’s what gives you the happy, joyful life.

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