‘Twas the dark hours of Christmas, when husband Greg came home.
He had gotten off early and forgotten to phone.
The family was tucked up snug in their beds;
The cats and dogs snoring, all tired and well fed.
He tried to be silent and to creep in so quietly;
But he’d forgotten that Bella slept by the door nightly.
He bumped her backside, she woke up disgruntled.
She barked, growled and snapped, her fur was quite rumpled.
Greg stepped on the cat, who let out a hiss.
After dodging the dog, a cat’s hard to miss.
Greg stumbled and wobbled and started to stagger
When Avalanche jumped up, his tail all-a-wagger.
Greg let out a groan, Avy’s foot in his crotch.
And he silently wished for a bottle of scotch.
Greg did his best to stay upright, he really did try.
Until Chloe hopped up and sneezed in his eye.
He let out a shout, tried to push her away;
But he missed, hit the tree, which began to sway.
He landed with a crash, the ornaments jangled.
The tree was now bent and horribly mangled.
Those presents all neatly placed under that tree,
Were now crunched up and jumbled and under Greg’s knees.
Bev woke up with a start, the commotion was deafening;
The barking, swearing and hissing, unending.
She ran down the stairs and surveyed the big mess.
That look on her face made her thoughts hard to guess.
Greg glanced ’round the room, broken gifts, tattered curtains
And the odd drippy stain, it’s origin uncertain.
He knew he was dead and he tried hard to smile,
But explaining the mess would take quite awhile.
Bev shook her head slowly, she loved this man so;
She started to grin, and it started to grow.
She giggled, laughed and let out a snort.
She tried to respond with a witty retort.
She took a deep breath and surveyed all the damage;
And said in a whisper, it was all she could manage.
“Well, Honey, I was planning to tell you tomorrow,
That it’s time to redecorate, paint and remodel.
“What a lovely present you’ve given me, amid all this trash.
I love you, Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!”